I want to begin by letting you know you are not alone. My experience of ascension depression has been an ever evolving teaching force. The information I’m sharing in today’s podcast is my own observation and experience.
I may be sharing more on this topic in the future as this really only touches on what I’d like to express. Also please remember I am not a doctor or a psychologist, take what resonates with you and leave the rest.
Let’s start with human evolution. Many creatures evolve physically to adapt to the environment they find themselves in. Humans share a similar path yet we are evolving in consciousness in order to adapt to our environment and become more centered in who we really are and what we are capable of as individuals and society.
With an evolution in consciousness, it requires subtle energies to come to the surface, as well as not so subtle ones. Structures and systems that are not working or progressing for the greater good of our evolution need to breakdown. Have all the disharmony and corruptions, illusions brought to the surface in order to transform and heal. This is happening at every level of society and also on each individual level through our own structures of thought and energy.
This is a good thing, yet we are in the transformation stages. We’ve been in this state of transformation for some time, and now many of us are waking up to the fact that we can play an active role in this evolution and ascension of consciousness.
If you’re reading this you have heard the call of personal growth and spiritual exploration. You have let the Universe know that you are ready to step on to the ascension path. Basically stating energetically I am ready to deal with my shit. I am ready to look at the disharmony within myself and make a new choice to contribute to the path of evolution instead of resistance.
Universe goes ‘perfect then let me made it absolutely clear where your disharmony lives and that way you can choose to let it go and choose harmony instead’. Once you make the choice, and even sometimes the Universe just kind of throws you into it the disharmony must come to the surface.
This shows up in many ways from triggers, to patterns repeating, to circumstances that cause you to turn inwards to search for the answers and meaning.
This can also show up as what I’ve experienced as a spiritual depression.
Prior to my first layer of spiritual awakening I had definitely experienced depression but the majority of the time I went about life, generally not dealing with or examining what my emotions, body and energy were trying to tell me. I would push down unwanted emotions and energies and let it turn into resentment and all kinds of heavy, mucky energies.
My depression manifested most commonly as not wanting to be here. Not wanting to bother. I could feel the potential magic and miracles of the world yet my outside circumstance and perspective only showed a world that honestly wasn’t that appealing. I would just have this underlying current of being very sad and cut off. Of course on the outside everything looked ‘normal’.
Fast forward to this journey of awakening I have been actively participating in over the last 10 or so years. At first it appeared the depression totally dissolved. I was on a high of discovery of potential. I was tapped into my soul flow and purpose, I was super energized.
Then hits those first few dark nights of the Soul. Where you question everything. Where the emotions come up to the surface as a gift from the Universe to help you release, to help you wrap up that thought and energy pattern so you can rise up and reclaim more of your truth. We can’t always see the gift in the dark night, and so these times of heaviness must be matched with as much compassion as we can muster while we allow our trapped emotions to reveal and heal. At the same time we live in a society that honors the masculine. Honors structure and having the same day every day. These dark nights require a feminine flow of energy, a gentle compassionate, supportive release in the timeframe that is aligned to our unique journey. Not a structured masculine of ‘I’ve got some time from 3-5 on Sunday to deal with these emotions and then I’m back to the real world’. This is madness. Yet it is how so many of us experience these dark nights.
Not fully processing them, honouring or learning the gifts they are here to give us. Generally this means that we will repeat the patterns and circumstances and head right back into that same dark night time and again.
A dark night of the soul is a tool. An invitation to go within and heal. But we are still very much wrapped up in 3D/4D consciousness and so many times we take these personally. We must not be doing the ‘right things’ on our path. We must be failing at our spiritual journey, our mission if we feel crappy! We forget that we are not our emotions that they are much greater than our present moment experience. We can get lost in these dark nights and carry their energy forward with the self perception that we are somehow broken. We empathise with ourselves and amplify this energy of lack and disconnection from self and soul.
So after my first few dark nights I started to carry this deeply subconscious belief that I was not enough, or I was a failure and doomed in this life if I felt disharmony for more than a few hours.
Like most patterns of thought this one snowballed carefully and quietly in the background.
As my spiritual path unfolded, as did my gifts, clarity on purpose, and my understanding of my truth this self doubt/ disharmony snowball was sitting and waiting for an opportunity. It had been gathering all kinds of friends in the subconscious. It seems in my experience after I hit a certain point of spiritual expansion and frequency raising this snowball could no longer stay frozen within me. It had to come to the surface and it was huge now. So big that it created a snowstorm that blocked my view from who I really am. When this energy came up I couldn’t feel my connection. I couldn’t remember that I was unconditionally loved, supported and worthy. Even if someone told me this and showed me this I couldn’t accept it. My perception was obscured by this snowstorm. The only way to get back to harmony was to feel it. Feel what was coming up, let it process and to engage in deep rest. Rest that is for all of the bodies. The mental, emotional, energetic, spiritual and physical body. Yet I couldn’t even get to the place where I felt I deserved any of this.
So lesson #1 with spiritual depression is to find a compassion anchor. If you have compassion for yourself you are more likely to be able to move up the ladder and regain your truest perception.
Lesson #2 is as soon as that perspective is back ask yourself what you most need in that moment and trust yourself.
I’m flipping over to science now as a way to bridge this understanding between your left and right brain. Consider what we know:
- Our brain does not know the difference between something actually happening to us and us observing it happening (even in visualizations) the same/ very similar patterns occur, which cause the same systems to fire, so that we feel and vibrate at the frequency of that of which we are focused on. This works because of what is called mirror neurons in the neocortex. It’s where our empathy comes from and in fact ties into our evolving consciousness. So remember we have mirror neurons that replicate what we are focusing on/ perceiving and bring it into our body as reality.
- Our hearts have neurons in it as well. Our hearts are brilliantly intelligent. In fact feeding immense amounts of information to the brain.
- When our heart and brain agree in harmony we are in a state of coherence. We feel peace. We feel connected. We are in a state where we can more easily thrive in all areas from the immune system or absorbing information to reprogramming our energy field.
With all of this being said we can apply this knowledge to spiritual depression and begin to lead ourselves back to the truth of who we are. To use the depression as the tool that it is, and stop identifying with this state as a core part of who we are. When you are deep in the experience of depression you might find it challenging to access your normal state of self led healing – I know that had been my experience. None of the tools from meditation to EFT tapping to shamanic journeys and energy healing would ever do more than a very short term fix, then the depression would be streaming back in.
So I had to begin with compassion. That was the energy that would enable me to feel my way back to the ladder and thought this illusion.
When you are applying self compassion to your depression remember the science. Remember that your brain when you are focused on your depression you empathize and amplify that. Yet when you focus on compassion that gets amplified.
To get into a state of compassion if you really can’t stand yourself and don’t want to even let yourself out of depression – consider a mantra. I had come back to the Green Tara mantra of Om Tare Tuttare Ture Soha many times. Having an image of Green Tara or Quan Yin or Buddha helps to active these mirror neurons even deeper. In your brain you are not going overly positive and saying things that feel far from truth but you are entraining your brain to the vibration of compassion. As you look at the image of whatever resonates with you as a compassionate Being again your brain gets entrained to that frequency, without even realizing it is releasing the tight grid on illusion and depression and moving back into truth. Add in some heart breathing and a few glasses of water and you are well on your way.
The fun doesn’t stop here. As soon as you feel yourself coming to a state of coherence again, it’s time to ask what you most need to feel supported? What is the most loving thing you can do for yourself? What is your highest priority to focus on that will allow you to come back to your natural state of peace and truth? Then listen to yourself. Express what comes up even if it isn’t a clear response. Let it keep flowing because now you’ve moved the depression energy into action and healing can occur.
You might get answers like go out in nature, journal, eat, call this person, have a bath, read this book etc. Trust in the process. If it feels like truth in your heart, and you feel a full body resonance move towards your healing process. If you hear thoughts that are clearly not truth, not heart centered and more negative self talk then get back into your heart and compassion before you ask again.
When you are resonating and focused on your energy of depression it can feel impossible to move out so you take very small steps to coax yourself back to truth.
Please know that you are always connected, you are always unconditionally loved and accepted and it is safe to come back to the truth of who you are. This is practical ascension.