I have admittedly been a total offline hermit this Summer.
Not showing up online, like I should.
Not promoting and going 150% in my business, like I should.
Not creating a magic and fun atmosphere for my kids and puppy 100% of the time, like I should.
Not enjoying the Summer, downtime and relaxing, like I should.
Not recording podcast episodes, like I should.
Not keeping my house spotless and organized, like I should.
Not being social and getting quality alone time, like I should.
I set an impossible standard for myself subconsciously and I know I am not the only one. The Should Wolf got the best of me this Summer, and I know I’m not alone.
I spent some time doing each of the things above. A little enjoying myself, a little work, a little play but a lot of anxiety and depression around what I wasn’t getting to. The expectations of myself that I wasn’t fulfilling. I’m a very positive person and can spin up lemonade out of even the most intense lemons, especially as it relates to others. But this Should Wolf was sneaky and cunning.
I know she was there, but I ignored the signs. But the truth is this Summer required a hell of a lot of growth and it was hard! Many growing pains, irregularities and things feeling so unusual I didn’t even have the words.
I’m finally allowing myself to see the Should Wolf in the light of day and she is haggard AF. She is tired of it all. I am tired of the guilt and shame about not getting to it all. I know way, way, way better than this, but distractions seemed to allow me to cope and keep pace with the World.
If you recognize the feeling of the Should Wolf, then you have been spending time with her too. She is powerful, she has drive and she WILL get it done, however she can’t keep running at this pace. She needs a makeover and this is not a day at the spa style situation. It starts with gratitude for her heavy load. Then a daily self-compassion and ascension process. We are spiritually awakening and it means big changes. We are not meant to fit into ‘normal’ society and run at the same pace as many of the pack. We are meant to clean up our Should Wolf with buckets of self-compassion, gratitude, to wash off the debris of comparison (even comparing to who you used to be), wash off the underlying guilt, shame and defeat from the impossible standard we placed upon her for so long.
When she is rinsed clean of this mess that we pile on her, the true nature and light start to expand from within, when we wash away the ‘Should’ we are left with our inner Wolf. She is confident, she owns the steps she takes and brushes away the missteps, keeping only the lessons. She hasn’t got time to feel any amount of bitterness towards herself and others because she is flowing with her natural rhythms and aligning to her highest path.
She easily recognizes and raises up her sisters when they stumble and when they shine. Her power and influence on the world expand as she does so. She feels compassion and gratitude for herself in every step and can see the ruble of transformation happening on a large scale and coming together piece by piece. She doesn’t need to understand it all to be a part of it, and she recognized her immense value weaving together the pieces she does carry.
Stop for a moment today and ask if you have a Should Wolf within you. Is it time to wash her off and recognize her true brilliance? How would it feel if you allow yourself to do that? How would it feel to surround yourself in the pink light of compassion and gratitude? It’s time and it’s the way forward to rise. You may be shocked at her adaptability and wisdom, but trust where she leads you because it’s exactly where you need to be.
