Over the course of 2021 and 2022 I moved through the most challenging emotional initiation of my life. I had experienced and worked with depression and anxiety and dark nights of the soul before but that was kindergarten compared to the advanced masters degrees I was initiated into over this 18 month period.
I will continue to share more of this story and insights in the future, and today felt like the right time to share some simple choices that I made that were key to moving through it. Remember these choices were implemented over an 18 month period and were truly a trial and error situation.
I followed my intuitive flow even when I felt disconnected. There was one particular months long period of darkness when my business and intuition ‘cut me off’ where I was ready to burn every spiritual item I owned. Ready to shut down the awakened part of me and settle into the illusion of earth – I was over it and done with awakening! Yet still, haha, I found myself guided to articles, to herbs, to books, even movies and TV shows that kept me going. Kept me in a type of hope that allowed the despair to somehow coexist.
I connected and utilized plant medicines. I was no stranger to this subject when I entered my initiation phase but I was guided into such a deeper understanding of their role in my healing journey and how to utilize and work with them for short term alignments that help you to reclaim your true self. I also worked with this one for my teenage daughter who during my initiation also moved through a time of debilitating depression and social anxiety.
I accepted myself as I am where I am. This was both a choice and something I had to practice and remind myself of for months before it really and truly sank in. I am eternally grateful for this one anchoring as it has because it has helped me with every fall I have had since then.
I shifted and adapted as needed. I didn’t force myself to carry on any particular practice or self healing tool any longer than it felt perfectly aligned for me. This will not be the truth for everyone, but for me it is important that I move, I keep things dynamic and that every tool I use stays fluid and I connect with myself in the moment to see if it’s really still highest and best for me.
I faced and felt everything. Well this one I really had no choice. I mean I could have likely committed myself to a padded cell and heavy sedatives but that didn’t seem like the ideal choice for my family or dog. I can laugh about this now but when you are faced with what feels like no layer at all over your subconscious and everything out on the table and felt full force it is certainly a lot. I had to reach out for support for literally the first time in my life and that had its own blessings and lessons woven in. The most challenging times of my initiation were what made me realize how resilient I truly am and how facing things head on, while uncomfortable, painful and debilitating is often the only way through.
I learned to and chose to release trauma from the nervous system and body. Not just mindset work. Not just energy work but truly connecting and working with the body and nervous system and recognizing the immense healing and value in that path.
I let the process unfold naturally (albeit often reluctantly) until there was a crack of light, then a bit more, then a little stream and finally I was thrown full force back into the full light of who I really am.
In reflection this week as I moved through a rebalancing and mini dark night of the soul these thoughts came to me and I hope they can provide you with some inspiration and insight whenever you are moving through your own challenging times and lessons.
